Ways & Means (Episode 303)
First Aired: Wednesday, 24th October, 2001
Teleplay: Aaron Sorkin
Story: Eli Attie and Gene Sperling
Director: Alex Graves

Sell My Farm Girl Ass For A Carton Of Luckys!
OEOB, Storage Room. Donna frantically searches through dozens and dozens of bankers' boxes and shelfs as Josh enters.

JOSH: Donna?
DONNA: Yeah!
JOSH: What's going on?
DONNA: Well, one of these boxes are the President's private schedules, and one of these boxes are his publicly-issued schedules, to see if there are inconsistencies between the two.
JOSH: Were you here all night?
DONNA: Is it daytime?
JOSH: It's 7:30.
DONNA: Usually when I stay up all night, I'm able to pass a nineteenth-century English Literature mid-term. Josh?
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: I'm not going to have to take a nineteenth-century English Literature mid-term, am I?
DONNA: Because in one of these boxes are memos and handwritten notes pertaining to the President's 100,000 new teachers initiative, since it's a major policy initiative launched right after a suspected MS attack.
JOSH: Can I ask you something?
DONNA: I had a plan.
JOSH: When you say in one of these boxes--
DONNA: I had a plan! Each box is numbered--there's a piece of paper with a number and a corresponding description of the contents of each box.
JOSH: Well, where's the piece of paper? (beat, off her dirty look) It's ... in one of these boxes.
DONNA: I had a plan. (beat) I grew up on a farm.
JOSH: You grew up in a condo.
DONNA: I grew up near a farm. I was cute, and I was peppy, and I always did well on my nineteenth-century English Literature mid-terms, until you came along and sucked me into your life of crime!
JOSH: Hey, I'm not the--
DONNA: White collar crime boy!
DONNA: You know what they'd do to a girl like me on that cell block? I've seen those movies.
JOSH: Yeah, me too.
DONNA: I'll bet you have.
JOSH: Look--
DONNA: Sell my farm girl ass for a carton of Luckys!
JOSH: Seriously, you need to sleep for a while.
DONNA: I can't yet. Because in one of these boxes are FedEx receipts and mail room records for any gifts or packages sent to senior staff, and in one of these boxes is a piece of paper which says which box it's in!
JOSH: (beat) I'll be in the office.
DONNA: Your office is down a corridor, about 200 feet from here. Try not to commit any felonies on the way.
JOSH: I'll do my best.
DONNA: Yeah.

Which Committee Had Jurisdiction?
Bullpen. Josh and Donna talk as the staffers gather to watch Congressman Thomas speak on C-SPAN.

DONNA: Josh?
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: Which committee had jurisdiction?
JOSH: For the hearings?
DONNA: Is it Judiciary?
JOSH: You'd think so, but Thomas's committee wanted it, so the Majorty Leader--
DONNA: Thomas's committee is ...?
JOSH: House Government Reform and Oversight.

Many thanks to The West Wing Collection for the wonderful screencaps!