Swiss Diplomacy (Episode 409)
First Aired: Wednesday, 20th November, 2002
Teleplay: Kevin Falls and Eli Attie
Director: Christopher Misiano

Yeah, I'm Pretty Sure I Ate A Springer Spaniel
Josh's office. He enters, followed by Donna, who reads through a stack of papers.

JOSH: Messages?
DONNA: Good one at AP ...
JOSH: What else?
DONNA: ... Judy van der Bass, who is the wife of our ambassador to Vietnam, invited you to her house for dinner.
JOSH: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I ate a springer spaniel. Why is AP on my file sheet?

You're The Reason ...
Bullpen. Josh calls to Donna over his shoulder as he puts on his coat and leaves.

JOSH: I'm going to head up to the Leader's office. See if you can get me the first free minute he has.
DONNA: And Judy van der Bass?
JOSH: Let's do this: Find out what her problem is, solve it, and then, I don't know, do something else.
DONNA: You're the reason there are term limits.
JOSH: Yeah? You're the reason ... (he trails off as Donna raises an expectant eyebrow at him) ... Nothing. Nothing's happening. Nothing's there.
(Josh raises his own eyebrows and walks off as Donna shuts the filing cabinet door, looking slightly puzzled)

What Do You Mean, "Josh"?
Corridors of the West Wing / Bullpen. Josh meets up with Donna on his return from the Leader's office.

JOSH: I have this problem I'm trying to put in perspective.
DONNA: What's the problem?
JOSH: Tripplehorn thinks I'm a secret opertive for Hoynes.
DONNA: Are you?
JOSH: I don't believe I am.
DONNA: This ought to help.
JOSH: What?
DONNA: Judy van der Bass didn't invite you to dinner.
JOSH: Thank merciful God.
DONNA: Turns out Trish Rackley--wife of your protege--she had a problem on the coast of Southeast Asia.
JOSH: The rice.
DONNA: No, really--the whole continent loves the stereotype.
JOSH: They eat a lot of rice, Donna.
DONNA: Mrs Rackley borrowed fifteen hundred dollars from Judy van der Bass to buy a hand-carved teak bed frame for two thousand--which is a good price.
JOSH: And?
DONNA: Mrs Rackley's cheque bounced.
JOSH: Making it a great price.
DONNA: The Rackleys are stiffing her, Josh.
JOSH: What do you mean, "Josh"?
DONNA: You put them on the delegation!
JOSH: And I told the State Department to look after them. I didn't want them to get into any trouble.
DONNA: Job well done--Phil Rackley's office won't return your calls.
JOSH: Well, see if they'll return yours.

Who The Hell Is Lulu?
Josh's office / Bullpen. Josh and Donna discuss work, argue about deadbeats and make reference to one of the best movies ever made.

JOSH: The National Committee's got a list of the State Party Conventions where we asked the Vice President to take our slot. Could you get that for me?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: And the DPC sent me this list of his budget roll-outs and it's for last year. I need all four.
DONNA: Okay. (she stares at him solemnly)
JOSH: What?
DONNA: The deadbeat Rackleys.
JOSH: I can't!
DONNA: Come on!
JOSH: You just called them deadbeat!
DONNA: For the sake of humour.
JOSH: Well, good one, Gracie.
DONNA: Who hasn't bounced a cheque?
DONNA: Yes, Mr I-balance-my-chequebook-every-month-and-pay-my-bills-on-time-and-don't-ever-bounce-cheques.
JOSH: Everything you just had in there is a good thing. And just by saying it like Ethel Mertz doesn't make--
DONNA: Do you even know how much a Congressman makes?
JOSH: Uh ... a buck and a half. One-sixty to one-two for the leadership.
DONNA: To maintain two residences, fly your kids back and forth--
JOSH: Okay. (laughs) I know you like to hit with me, but you've got to go sit in the back of class. Because you just suggested that making only $150,000 was reasonable justification for commiting a felony. Which is what it is, Lulu!
DONNA: Who the hell is Lulu?
JOSH: It's 'To Sir, With Love.'
DONNA: Thank you.

Many thanks to The West Wing Collection for the wonderful screencaps!