C.J.: Maybe things will be different this year.
JOSH & TOBY: Noooo.
C.J.: But it's long gone, yes? Mind control?
(Donna walks up the corridor, looking stunning in a long, black evening gown)
DONNA: It worked on Freddy Briggs when I was sixteen -- look what happened to him.
JOSH: Freddy Briggs?
DONNA: (she balances a hand on Josh's shoulder as she bends to fix her shoe strap. Josh's eyebrows shoot into his forehead) He was my first ... was he my first?
C.J.: Is there a reason why I'm the only one who's not dressed?
DONNA: Was your dress stolen?
DONNA: Well, a copy of the Bill of Rights was stolen.
C.J.: There are copies of the Bill of Rights lying around?
DONNA: George Washington sent copies to each of the thirteen original colonies--North Carolina's got snatched at the end of the Civil War by one of Sherman's men.
DONNA: The soldier was from Connecticut.
C.J.: Josh is from Connecticut!
DONNA: Oh, that's right!
JOSH: Go, Whalers. (beat) Not a tonne to get excited about in the Nutmeg State.
DONNA: The FBI seized the document, both states are claiming ownership and the case has landed in the federal courts.
C.J.: Didn't North Carolina steal the Whalers?
DONNA: Guys, people are going crazy. The President's appearing in Raleigh next week--they're already handing out fliers.
JOSH: Ahhh-kay. Who's on at the AG's office?
DONNA: That would be Freddy Briggs.
JOSH: (incredulous) No.
DONNA: (grinning) No, but I had you. (still grinning, she walks away)
JOSH: (grinning back) Hmmm. (he walks off after her) Sixteen?
JOSH: You gotta sit with him.
DONNA: I'm not sitting with him--I drew the short straw last year!
TOBY: He's going to start in with Lincoln's first Inaugural Address, and then carry on straight through to the letter Lincoln wrote to the woman who lost all her sons, who didn't really lose all her sons!
(As Toby speaks, Donna silently passes her phone and lipstick to Josh to hang on to for the evening)
DONNA: I have to babysit the First Widow?
JOSH: Beehive hair ... dewlaps ... hysterical phone calls all hours of the day and night, and Lieutenant Colonel Castork ... you're going to love it.
DONNA: Why can't you do--
JOSH: I'm going to watch a re-enactment of Gettysburg in the Roosevelt Room.
DONNA: Since when do you care about the Bill of Rights? The Civil War is not exactly--
JOSH: Whaler pride.
DONNA: You sold me down the river!
(she slumps against Josh's open office door)
JOSH: Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!
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