The Leadership Breakfast (Episode 211)
First Aired: Wednesday, 10th January, 2001
Teleplay: Aaron Sorkin
Story: Paul Redford
Director: Scott Winant

Nooo--No Flammable Liquids Of Any Kind To Start A Fire, Ever
Mural Room. Donna watches as Josh and Sam try to start a fire in the fireplace.

DONNA: We don't need some kind of permission for this?
DONNA: What about supervision? Shouldn't there be some official supervision?
JOSH: We're making a fire in a fireplace, what kind of supervision do you want?
DONNA: FEMA? The American Red Cross?
SAM: What kind of wood is this?
JOSH: I don't know.
DONNA: Josh ...
JOSH: It's freezing in here!
DONNA: I acknowledge that it's cold.
JOSH: It's like Ice Station Zebra.
DONNA: It also might bother someone.
JOSH: It's half past midnight!
SAM: See, here's the thing. This looks like spruce to me.
JOSH: Yeah?
SAM: Spruce is a softwood--softwood burns out quickly. You know what we need for a slow burning fire?
JOSH: A hardwood?
SAM: That's right.
JOSH: That's interesting.
DONNA: Where did you get the wood?
JOSH: It was sitting in the ... thing.
DONNA: I think that is meant to be decorative--
JOSH: It's wood--we're not burning Benjamin Harrison's log cabin.
SAM: You know what?
JOSH: What?
SAM: We might be.
JOSH: Why?
SAM: It was made out of spruce.
JOSH: (to Donna) Where's CJ?
DONNA: She's over in the Roosevelt Room.
JOSH: Is she doing the seating chart?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Jancowitz has a hearing aid that seldom works. He needs to be seated near the centre. Would you tell her that?
DONNA: Yeah. You're not using lighter fluid or anything, are you?
JOSH: Nooo--no flammable liquids of any kind to start a fire, ever.
SAM: Found it!
JOSH: What?
SAM: Kerosene.
DONNA: Josh!

Yeah, I Don't Think She's Getting The Leaves
Mural Room. Josh and Sam continue to struggle with the fire as Donna enters.

DONNA: Josh.
JOSH: Hang on. You know what we need?
SAM: Dried leaves.
JOSH: We need dried leaves.
DONNA: To move Jancowitz, we've got to move either the House or Senate Whip.
SAM: Because life is tough in the big cruel world. And if he doesn't like it, he can kiss my--
DONNA: So, the spirit of bipartisanship begins ...
SAM: Yeah.
JOSH: Could you possible get us some dried leaves?
DONNA: Yeah, I'll just run out to the forest and be right back.
(she leaves)
SAM: You know what?
JOSH: You think she was being sarcastic?
SAM: Yeah, I don't think she's getting the leaves.

There's Smoke In The Hallways!
Mural Room. Josh and Sam are lost amid clouds of smoke as Donna enters.

SAM: I think this might be because the wood is wet.
JOSH: Well, the fire ought to dry it pretty quick, shouldn't it?
SAM: You'd think ...
DONNA: What did you do?
JOSH: It's going pretty good now!
DONNA: There's smoke in the hallways!

Did You Fall Down At All?
Josh's Office. Josh and Sam talk as Donna enters.

DONNA: How did it go?
SAM: It went great. I had to talk to Karen Cahill last night.
DONNA: Did you fall down at all?
SAM: I did not. In fact, we were talking about the stability of former Soviet Republics and their fear of Islamic extremism, and I have to say that I made some very scholarly points regarding the remains of nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan. And I have to belie--
JOSH: Kazakhstan.
SAM: Huh?
JOSH: The nuclear weapons are in Kazakhstan.
SAM: I said Kyrgyzstan?
JOSH: Yeah.
SAM: Yes. Well, Kyrgyzstan has no nuclear weapons.
SAM: Kazakhstan is a country four times the size of Texas, and has a sizable number of former Russian missile silos.
JOSH: Yeah.
SAM: Kyrgyzstan is on the side of a hill near China, and has mostly nomads and sheep.
DONNA: I'm sure you got it right last night.
SAM: Yes. I'm sure. (beat) Okay.

Damn, My X-Ray Vision Is Failing Me Today
Bullpen. Josh and Sam talk as Donna approaches them.

DONNA: (holding a manilla envelope) Josh, this was delivered by messenger.
JOSH: What is it?
DONNA: It's--wait ... wait ... no. Damn, my X-ray vision is failing me today.
JOSH: Give me that.

I'm Holding Your Underwear In My Hand Right Now
Bullpen, a few moments later. Sam and Donna talk as Josh comes out of his office.

JOSH: Donna?
DONNA: What was in the envelope?
JOSH: Your underwear.
DONNA: What?
JOSH: I'm holding your ... underwear ... in my hand right now. And the way I know it's your underwear is that your name is sewn in the back--which is obviously something we'll spend some time talking about at a later date.
DONNA: How did you get my underwear?
SAM: Donna, did you by any chance wear the same pair of pants two days in a row this week?
JOSH: Donna?
DONNA: (embarrassed) Yes.
JOSH: When you got dressed on day two, did you check the pant leg for the previous day's underwear?
DONNA: I don't need to check the pant leg for--
JOSH: Donna.
DONNA: They fell out of my pants?
JOSH: It would appear that way.
DONNA: Where?
JOSH: The South Street exhibit.
DONNA: Where?
JOSH: On the floor in front of Karen Cahill.
DONNA: Please tell me she's not the one--
JOSH: She sent a note.

Many thanks to The West Wing Collection for the wonderful screencaps!