Guns Not Butter (Episode 412)
First Aired: Wednesday, 8th January 2003
Writers: Eli Attie, Kevin Falls and Aaron Sorkin
Director: Bill D'Elia

I Lose This Vote, I'm Resigning
Bullpen / Corridors of the West Wing. Josh paces by Donna's desk as she examines a report.

DONNA: This is a push poll.
JOSH: Sixty-eight per cent think we spend too much on foreign aid; 59 per cent think it should be cut.
DONNA: I think this is a push poll.
JOSH: Respondents estimate foreign aid to be 15 per cent of the Federal budget--it's one per cent of the Federal budget, or it was a half-hour ago.
DONNA: Listen to this question: "The money that goes into foreign aid could be used to reduce the tax burden here at home. Do you support such a shift of funds?" That's not a push poll?
JOSH: Come here. (he lowers his voice) I lose this vote, I'm resigning.
(It's not a threat, it's a promise. Josh walks away and Donna looks after him, troubled)

"I Don't Know And I Don't Care"
Josh's office. Donna enters after Ted ("Will!") leaves.

JOSH: I need Senator Harden.
DONNA: Leo's office called over, and we're on it.
JOSH: Good.
DONNA: Are you going to try Cantina?
JOSH: I'm going to try everybody, but Cantina's never voted to send any money anywhere. I think he's against air mail stamps.
DONNA: What about McKenna?
JOSH: He used Republican votes on broadband access.
DONNA: And you think you're going to have luck with Grace Harden?
JOSH: She's a freshman Democrat--she can't say no to the President if he asks her.
DONNA: Have you seen how foreign aid polls in Georgia?
JOSH: There's a hockey coach who's got a player who's squandering his potential. Coach says, "Are you ignorant, or just apathetic?" Player says, "I don't know and I don't care." (beat) Yeah, I've seen how foreign aid polls in Georgia. Gracie might be a little tough to get to the phone today.
DONNA: We've been here before.
JOSH: Tell me about it.
DONNA: You had two different strategies that were shouted down. You can't take the fall for this.
JOSH: My job is to execute the plays Leo calls. The rest doesn't matter--
DONNA: Were you serious before--about resigning?
JOSH: (shouts) We looking for Harden?
DONNA: They're on it.

Make Big Plays Today!
Bullpen. Josh enters, frazzled, while Donna and some other staff try to locate the wayward Senator Harden.

JOSH: An hour and a half, we can't find a U.S. Senator?
DONNA: She doesn't want the call.
JOSH: No kidding.
DONNA: Atlanta says she's on her way back here--when she lands, she'll disappear til the vote.
JOSH: (hand her a mobile phone) Donna your job is to take this, find her and stick it in her hand. Make big plays today!

Is It Me, Or Is This Getting Harder?
Debbie Fiderer's office. Josh leaves the Oval Office and finds Donna waiting for him in a chair. Their entire conversation is spoken in subded tones.

DONNA: I sent them names.
JOSH: I don't think it mattered. She knows how to count to 51.
DONNA: It would have loosened things up for an hour. I'm sorry.
JOSH: Shake it off. And don't listen to the naysayers--you've got a big future as a stalker.
DONNA: Always felt like I had the makings.
JOSH: I just had an interesting moment. I just recommended to the President that he buy a yay vote for $115,000 and the Bill of Rights.
DONNA: Don't you mean 115 million?
JOSH: Jimmy Hobuck wanted to fund a study on remote prayer for $115,000.
DONNA: Is it me, or is this getting harder?
JOSH: It's getting harder. (beat) I'd say we're going to make more enemies in the second term, but I don't know if there's anybody left on the list.
DONNA: You took funding for remote prayer to the President? (they both laugh)
JOSH: Oh, I did it with gusto.
DONNA: That's because you don't know the story of Fishhooks McCarthy.
JOSH: Is this a real person, or a Donna person?
DONNA: Corrupt politician on the Lower East Side in the '20s. Every morning he stopped at the St James Church on Oliver Street, and said the same prayer: "Oh Lord, give me health and strength. We'll steal the rest."
JOSH: Not that there needs to be, but was there a point?
DONNA: You've got health and strength--both of which, coincidentally, I prayed for after hot lead was shot into your body.
JOSH: (getting agitated) Yeah, and you're going to need some kryptonite, by the way--
DONNA: Okay ... settle down.
JOSH: (whispers) All right.
DONNA: So you've got health and strength.
JOSH: (beat) And we'll steal the rest?
DONNA: Bet your ass.
JOSH: All right. (beat) Good work tonight.
(he leaves, and Donna smiles broadly after him)

Not a Josh and Donna scene, but it does give some insight into what Donna thinks about Josh, and working for him.

Can I Have My Boss's Phone Back?
Lobby. Donna confronts Ellen, Senator Harden's aide, just before the final vote is tallied.

DONNA: Where do you learn to run up the clock like that?
ELLEN: (sighs) The senator's voting her conscience, Donna.
DONNA: She understands foreign aid, I've heard her talk about it. She's supposed to do what's right.
ELLEN: No, she was elected. And she's supposed to do what the people think is right.
DONNA: Will you take this (Donna hands her a mobile phone) and walk it to her on the floor? That's all you have to do.
(the vote is called over a loudspeaker)
ELLEN: Win some, you lose some.
DONNA: Can I tell you something? Josh has asked me to work Saturdays, work Sundays and at least once a week he has me there until 1 a.m. He's asked me to transpose portions of the Federal budget into Base 8, go to North Dakota, and dress as an East German cocktail waitress. In five years of working for him, he's never asked me to hide him from something. (beat) Can I have my boss's phone back? Thank you.

Many thanks to The West Wing Collection for the wonderful screencaps!