DONNA: (reading from notes) "The process by which a stamp enters into
circulation begins with the American people."
JOSH: (beat) What?
DONNA: Are you even listening?
DONNA: Do you want to do this or not?
JOSH: I don't.
DONNA: I did index cards.
JOSH: How many?
JOSH: Reduce it to three.
DONNA: Philately's fun, Josh.
JOSH: I'm sorry--what's fun?
DONNA: Philately. Stamp collecting.
JOSH: Careful how you say that, because--
DONNA: Can we work?
JOSH: Tell me what you know.
DONNA: "The process by which a stamp enters circulation begins with the American people--"
JOSH: Well, that's always our first mistake.
DONNA: "About 50,000 proposals a year are submitted to the Citizens' Stamp Advisory Committee, the acronym for which is--"
JOSH: Dork squad?
DONNA: CSAC. The committee then makes a recommendation to the postmaster general. In this case, Marcus Aquino. He won the Silver Star for service in Korea, there are numerous instances listed here of lifesaving valour and actions well above and beyond the call of duty, and as Puerto Rico's Resident Commissioner, he served Congress faithfully and well. Let's put him on a stamp.
JOSH: (beat) Let's put you on a stamp.
DONNA: Okay ...
JOSH: Let's talk about the problem.
DONNA: It's a stamp.
JOSH: Yes, but we have to remain neutral.
DONNA: It's a stamp!
JOSH: I understand that it's a stamp, but I'm saying when it comes to statehood for Puerto Rico, the United States has to remain neutral.
DONNA: Puerto Rico's in the United States.
JOSH: Once again, thanks for that review of fifth grade social studies. But I meant the federal government must remain neutral.
DONNA: Puerto Rico is in the federal government.
JOSH: No it's not.
DONNA: They send a Resident Commissioner to Congress--
JOSH: Who can't vote. But that's beside the point.
DONNA: What is the point?
JOSH: Aquino was strongly in favor of statehood. To put his face on a stamp would be promoting his beliefs. We can't do that.
DONNA: Because we have to remain neutral.
DONNA: That's idiotic.
JOSH: Oh, like it's the first time.
DONNA: He voiced an opinion so he can't be on a stamp?
JOSH: Donna ...
DONNA: Sides have been taken--former presidents, the Speaker, minority leaders--they all said that statehood is in the long-term interest of Puerto Rico and that, as it stands, 3.8 million American citizens have been relegated to second-class status! That's more people than Mississippi!
JOSH: Mississippi's never minded being relegated to second-class status.
DONNA: Oh, you're going to make your little bigoted Mississippi jokes?
JOSH: Yes I am.
DONNA: Isn't anyone worried that if they're not given statehood, they're going to want independence?
JOSH: Exactly no one is worried about that. You know why? Because Puerto Rico is absolutely dependent on U.S. manufacturing, which contributes 40 per cent to the GDP and accounts for 24 per cent of their workforce.
DONNA: I don't care! People don't sit still for tyranny!
JOSH: How is it tyranny?
DONNA: Puerto Ricans have to register to be drafted into the armed forces, yet they're not allowed to vote for President. They're expected to die for a Commander-in-Chief they had no voice in electing?
JOSH: Donna ...
DONNA: We have colonized Puerto Rico and they will rise up against us.
JOSH: I think we can take them.
DONNA: That's what we said about the British!
JOSH: We took the British.
DONNA: You know what I'm saying.
JOSH: Hardly ever.
DONNA: (from the Bullpen) Josh!
DONNA: The stamp?
JOSH: (to Toby) You were supposed to do this, you know.
TOBY: I delegated.
JOSH: What you got there?
DONNA: Precedent, baby!
DONNA: Precedent. The mother's milk of, you know, making your point and being right.
JOSH: Okay ...
DONNA: (skims a book) The Jewish War Veterans lobbied to get a stamp, even though the criteria prohibits people or groups whose principal undertakings are religious.
JOSH: Right, and what happened?
DONNA: The JWV argued that their principal achievements have been fighting wars for their country, just like Aquino.
JOSH: Right ... what happened?
DONNA: (beat) They were denied.
DONNA: Okay. That doesn't help me.
DONNA: (continues to skim book) Hang on!
DONNA: The luna moth has its own stamp.
JOSH: What's a luna moth?
DONNA: It's a moth. You don't see the National Organization of Entomologists freaking out.
JOSH: No, but I'd pay good money to see that.
DONNA: Hang on--hang on--
JOSH: Here we go ... (phone rings)
DONNA: The following groups have been issued stamps--Disabled Veterans of America, American Confederate Veterans, the American Legion and its black soldiers who served as Buffalo Scouts in the West.
JOSH: Are you gonna get that?
DONNA: I meant in the nineteenth century, the black soldiers from the West.
JOSH: Yeah, I didn't think we still had Buffalo Scouts. (answers phone) Josh Lyman.
DONNA: The guy should be able to be on a stamp.
JOSH: Okay. (hangs up)
DONNA: What was that?
JOSH: The President's back.