Disaster Relief (Episode 506)
First Aired: Wednesday, 5th November, 2003
Teleplay: Alexa Junge
Story: Alexa Junge and Lauren Schmidt
Director: Lesli Linka Glatter















In The Hierarchy Of Pain And Suffering, I Really Can't Complain
Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington D.C. Donna meets Josh as he gets out of a cab. They walk and talk on their way to the White House.

DONNA: You look nice!
JOSH: I feel good.
DONNA: You look good.
JOSH: Why are you here?
DONNA: I could tell you it's because I needed a clean copy of the Post, but the truth is, I have a crush on the little old man at the cappuccino stand. (beat) You okay?
JOSH: I already told you, I feel good.
DONNA: So you're not--
JOSH: I have my health, central air ... in the hierarchy of pain and suffering, I really can't complain. I mean, I will--
DONNA: And you're not--
JOSH: It's a blip! I can't get worked up about it.
DONNA: Good for you!
JOSH: (beat) That's what we said to my grandmother when she was down to 84 pounds.











I Have A Crush On The Cappuccino Man!
Further down Pennsylvania Avenue. Josh and Donna continue to walk and talk.

DONNA: I set up a call with the Idaho Democratic Party Chair--I figure if you can survive his wrath, you're good to go.
JOSH: Check with Defense Approps every hour on the hour, will you? That launcher better not be on the bill. I'm not going to lose Carrick and buy him a useless piece of military junk. Anything from Leo?
DONNA: Not yet.
JOSH: You said Margaret said first thing in the mor--
DONNA: He got jammed up--something about missing plutonium in Chechnya.
JOSH: Like that matters. What is this? What the hell are you doing out here? (beat) You met me outside so when you told me Leo hadn't set a meeting yet, I'd be out of the building if I got upset.
DONNA: I have a crush on the cappuccino man. Have you seen his little newsboy cap?
JOSH: I'm not upset!












Are You Going Around The Corner Ass-First?
Lobby and Corridors of the West Wing / Bullpen. Josh and Donna continue to walk and talk.

JOSH: I'm just trying to see around the corner so I don't get bit in the ass.
DONNA: Are you going around the corner ass-first? (she sighs) You'll be fine. Sam called, Amy called--Sam wanted me to remind you, gotta roll with the punches.
JOSH: Any reporters?
DONNA: ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, New York Times, The Post, Detriot Free Press, Miami Herald, Nightline, Dateline--
MARGARET: Hey, Josh. Are you okay?
JOSH: Yeah, I'm great.
MARGARET: Well, keep your chin up.
JOSH: Do people keep cliche thesauruses around for times like this?
(Donna glances up at the TV, where an announcer reports on the tornado in Oklahoma)
DONNA: Oh, my God.
JOSH: What?
DONNA: I have to call my cousins!
JOSH: I thought they were in Wisconsin?
DONNA: My other cousins!












I Thought I Was The Character-Building Funny Part
Josh's office. Donna follows him in as he dictates a to-do list.

DONNA: Oh, thank God.
JOSH: You thought I was cooked.
DONNA: I did not.
JOSH: You thought I was gone and so were you. You were already cleaning out your desk, mentally kicking dirt on my grave.
DONNA: No, now I'm doing that.
JOSH: Confirm my dinner with Wilcox tomorrow. Make sure I have my usual table.
DONNA: That's good! You're getting out--a man about town!
JOSH: Set up a meeting with Ted Davis at the Democratic Strategy Group, and one with the Security Policy Working Group.
DONNA: Crack some heads, send a message you're riding herd? (he looks at her pointedly) I'm not helping.
JOSH: It's a blip, Donna. When I write my political memoir, this will be the character-building funny part.
DONNA: I thought I was the character-building funny part.
(she leaves, and Josh exhales, staring into space blankly)











Any Calls?
Josh's office. Donna enters and finds him sitting at his desk, deep in thought.

DONNA: You need to get going.
JOSH: What?
DONNA: Your dinner. You're going to be late.
JOSH: Right. Any calls?
DONNA: No.
JOSH: Really?
DONNA: Yeah.
JOSH: Come on.
DONNA: Nothing.
JOSH: Who?
DONNA: (almost guiltily) Your mother.
JOSH: (he sighs) You have the G8 memo for Leo?
(Donna watches Josh leave, a look of anxiety and worry on her face. She stops Ryan as he walks past)
DONNA: What are you doing tonight?
RYAN: Uh ... Wizards-Knicks. Courtside.
DONNA: No.
RYAN: No ... no?











Eat White Food
Bullpen. Josh enters, Donna in tow.

JOSH: Toby in yet?
DONNA: Eat white food.
JOSH: I'm okay.
DONNA: Like cottage cheese. (she dispenses some pain killers to him)
JOSH: I'm okay. It's just a headache.
DONNA: Obviously you're not okay, or you wouldn't be screaming at the building at one o'clock in the morning.
(Toby enters the Bullpen)
JOSH: Hey, I was just going to come looking for you. How'd it go?
TOBY: What?
JOSH: Last night.
(Josh follows Toby into his own office as Donna walks back to her desk, looking worried)
JOSH: (offscreen) Angela Blake?!
(Toby closes Josh's door. At her desk, Donna stops in her tracks, looking even more worried)











It's My 'What A Shame' Folder
Josh's office. Donna enters, carrying a thick file folder.

DONNA: You need anything?
JOSH: On my home machine, I have 52 "Hang in there" messages--one from a headhunter who wanted to know if I'm interested in moving into the private sector.
DONNA: (smiles) Are you?
JOSH: (nods towards her folder) What's that?
DONNA: It's my 'What A Shame' folder. All the stuff we never have time for--the stuff we thought we'd fix when we got here but we never did. (she begins sifting through the file as Josh watches, interested) Foreign adoption policies ... hybrid energy partnerships ... extending the roadless conservation plan ... Okay, this one's not a shame, I just didn't want to deal with it ... funding special education for kids with disabilities ... (Josh sits up and takes notice, a look of comprehension slowly dawning across his face) ... ammunition control, what's a gun without bullets? ... a twenty-first century teachers corps--we've got all those baby boomer teachers retiring ... mentor programming ...



Many thanks to Misdirection for the wonderful screencaps!

For fan fiction relating to this episode, visit Those Stories, a Josh and Donna post-episode fiction archive.

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