JOSH: "Don't worry, I'll have Jews for the money stuff". (beat) You know, you have an inadvertant habit of putting down my Judaism by implying that you have a sharper anti-Semitism meter than I do.
TOBY: You know, the ancient Hebrews had a word for Jews from Westport. They pronounced it "Presbyterian."
JOSH: And by saying things like that.
TOBY: I'm just saying, I'm from Brighton Beach.
JOSH: Well, Mohammed El-Mohammed El-Mohammed Bin Bazaer doesn't make the distinction when he suits up in the morning.
TOBY: As long as you have a good grasp of the complexity of that situation.
DONNA: What the hell are you two talking about?
TOBY: I assure you neither one of us knows.
DONNA: All right, I've got a plan. We're going to switch trains at Bedford, we will then be going in the right direction. We're not going to make the 6:15--that was a pipe dream, that was folly. Now, there's a 9:30 leaving Indianapolis International with a 45 minute layover in Chicago, although the ticket agent warned that the flight could be delayed due to bad weather.
JOSH: What are the chances of that?
DONNA: Well, for what it's worth, the guy in the diner said the reason the picture on the TV was fuzzy--
JOSH: NO! No! Quaint is quaint, but we're not Navajo Indian guides and if we want weather information, we'll call the White House Operations Centre.
DONNA: Well, we can do that when we get to a pay phone, but we can't do that right now.
JOSH: Why not?
DONNA: Because my cell phone--
JOSH: (joins in with her)--Cell phone battery's out.
JOSH: I need information! I need to know what's happening in the world. I have no idea what's happening in the world!
DONNA: I bought you the paper.
JOSH: I read it! Preparations are underway for the fair. I'm briefed! Organizers say it's going to be the best one yet! What else do you got?
JOSH: (to Toby) I don't know what gave you the impression that I had to be convinced, but I want to win. You want to beat him, and that's a problem for me, because I want to win.
DONNA: Can I get approval of my travel plan?
DONNA: I don't understand the two of you!
JOSH: We had to get out. I can't read in a moving car.
DONNA: You can't read in a moving car--he can! He was reading to us!
JOSH: We needed to come in for my eyes.
DONNA: You couldn't wait three blocks?
JOSH: (to Toby, about the Dow drop) Six-hundred-and-eighty-five points.
TOBY: Did it say how much the percentage drop was?
JOSH: It did, but by the time I got there my newspaper no longer had the molecular structure of a newspaper.
CLERK: Yes, may I help you?
DONNA: Yes, please. We need a room.
CLERK: Is that ... two rooms?
DONNA: No, just the one. (to Josh and Toby) For--what'd we decide--half an hour?
JOSH: (rushes to explain, while giving Donna a funny little smile behind her back) Our flight--our flight was delayed, and we're just looking for some place to dry off, and watch the news.
CLERK: Let me see what I've got.
JOSH: The Nikkei hasn't reacted.
(But Toby isn't listening anymore--he's watching the breaking news story of the pipe-bombing unfold on the TV, as a stunned Josh and Donna join him)
JOSH: Campaigns aren't about the candidates.
JOSH: They're about the voters. How-how are we going to create jobs? How are we going to fix health care? How are we going to make the lights go on? How are we going to protect ourselves?
TOBY: Don't you want to ask if the plumber knows which direction the pipes run? Don't you--we've got the plumber. Don't ... we want leadership to sound and to feel like, instead of appealing to our least expensive, however legitimate, desire to feel good about ourselves, don't we want lea--
DONNA: All right, that's it. I can't take it.
TOBY: He started it.
DONNA: I'm not kidding. I have such an impulse to knock your heads together. I can't remember the last time I heard you two talk about anything other than how a campaign was playing in Washington. Cathy needed to take a second job so her dad could be covered by her insurance. She tried to tell you how bad things were for family farmers, you told her we already lost Indiana. You made fun of the fair, but you didn't see they have livestock exhibitions and give prizes for the biggest tomato and the best Heirloom apple. They're proud of what they grow. (beat) Eight modes of transportation, the kindness of six strangers ... random conversations with twelve more, and no one brought up Bartlet versus Ritchie but you. (beat) I'm writing letters on your behalf to the parents of the kids who were killed today--can I have the table, please?
(After a long moment, Toby and Josh, looking extremely humbled, quietly get up leave her alone)
JOSH: You're telling me we couldn't have just gone to the nearest Chinese restaurant and picked up some Kikkomen and poured it in that soy diesel thing?
DONNA: I don't think it works like that. Plus, how close do you think the nearest Chinese restaurant was?
JOSH: Well, we should start making cars that run on ketchup.
DONNA: When I get home, I'm taking the longest hot bath of my life.
TOBY: Excuse me, would you mind letting me off up there at the bridge?
DRIVER: You sure?
TOBY: Yeah ... I can walk to work from there.
JOSH: Yeah, I'll hop out there too.
DONNA: Please not this again.
JOSH: Hey, you're the one who did the number back at the bar.
DONNA: It didn't have anything to do with eliminating modern conveniences.
JOSH: She can drop you off at home.
DONNA: I'll get out with them up here.